Blockout

I did have feelings for you. It was just. I was going through so much shit. I had to fix myself before I could have been with anyone else. Love myself before I could have given my love to someone else. Heal myself. Be with myself. Be kind to myself. And it was nothing personal. I had to do it for me. And that was it. That's why it never work out. Why things fell apart.

Sometimes you just have to blockout everyone to fix the broken inside of you. Sometimes it's not about anyone else but you. And sometimes you just have to give yourself all the attention you need. Before giving it to someone else.

Someone who gets it

Sometime that's all
you need. Someone who 
gets it. 
A little light in the
darkness.
Some empathy in a cold 
world. 
A little understanding 
of the chaos inside.

A little more

My favourite part
is where you
walked into my
life. you didn't
know me, yet
something told
you to walk
a little more.

Luas

Berurusan dengan manusia
membuatkan kita belajar untuk punya
hati yang luas.

Mendewasa, ianya bukan lagi tentang
siapa betul dan siapa salah.
Tidak juga menjadi naif.

Tetapi lebih matang untuk kita pilih
perlawanan yang manakah harus kita
menangi sebenar-benarnya.

Something in the middle

I don't want to fight
you, nor surrender.
I want something
beautifully in the
middle where there is
flow.
A place where we
balance each other,
compliment each other
and we become stronger,
together. 

July 19

You gave me the letter
I guess it was July
You said we'll be better

But I don't know why
I should be so lonely
When I closed my eyes
Imagined you're mine

Sometimes I feel tired
Of my heavy thoughts
Like starting a fire

When we're on the boat
And I'm on my own now
Just wasting my nights
Without you behind

And now it is better
Like you used to say
I found this old letter

With a heart round my name
I see it's so clearly
That you won't believe
I just wanna stay here
With you, my Liv

By Aspen Grove - July 19

Thinking of you

Sometimes I think of
you and where you
might be.
I hope you're
happy.
I hope you're
well.
And above all,
I hope you feel
free. 

APAKAH KAU SESETIA MENTARI?

Apakah kau sesetia mentari
Atau serapuh embun di hujung pagi?

Mentari sentiasa menepati janjinya
untuk tenggelam dan terbit lagi...

Tidak seperti awan gemawan berubah...
hanya untuk kelihatan indah.

Dari jauh aku hanya mendoakan
Mendamba seteguh kesetiaan.

Merenung mentari tenggelam senja ini
seperti merenung harapan sendiri.

InsyaAllah, esok, lusa dan selamanya...
mentari itu kan terbit lagi!

Aamiin.

In my head

Her hand
was the hardest to hold,
for she found love
in herself -
which raised the stakes
for everyone else

Buta

Tuhan..
Segalanya telah Engkau tentukan
Terangi saja hatiku
Maaf ku selalu terlupa
Mensyukuri semuanya

Tuhan..
Segalanya telah Engkau berikan
Tetapkan saja hatiku
Maaf ku selalu terlupa
Mensyukuri semuanya

Maafkan aku..
Selalu terlupa
Mensyukuri semuanya

Standing still

How Far I'll Go

I've been staring at the edge of the water
'Long as I can remember, never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try
Every turn I take, every trail I track
Every path I make, every road leads back
To the place I know, where I can not go, where I long to be

See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know, if I go there's just no telling how far I'll go

I know everybody on this island, seems so happy on this island
Everything is by design
I know everybody on this island has a role on this island
So maybe I can roll with mine
I can lead with pride, I can make us strong
I'll be satisfied if I play along
But the voice inside sings a different song
What is wrong with me?

See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding
But no one knows, how deep it goes
And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me
And let me know, what's beyond that line, will I cross that line?

The line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know, how far I'll go

Songwriters: Lin-Manuel Miranda

Candle In The Wind

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in

Beauty in the tragedy

To the bones

She doesn't fall 
in love often,
but when she does
it is down into
the bones. 

Ubat Hati

1. Baca Quran & fahamkan maksudnya.
2. Dirikan solat malam (tahajud).
3. Berkumpul dengan orang soleh/solehah.
4. Perbanyakkan puasa.
5. Perbanyakkan zikir malam. 

Huff

Duduklah sebentar
jika lelah

dan sesekali tengoklah
ke belakang

seberapa jauh kita
sudah melangkah. 

Self-esteem

Sometimes it takes a little bit of time
to find our place with Allah.

I think one of the thing, to begin with,
is to built self-esteem; to know who I am
and what I want out of life and 
extends past this life. There's more to it
than just 60, 70, 80 years.

Alhamdulillah

Sujudku pun takkan 
memuaskan inginku
'Tuk hanturkan 
sembah sedalam kalbu.

Adapun kusembahkan 
syukur padamu ya Allah
untuk nama, harta dan keluarga
yang mencinta.
Dan perjalanan yang sejauh ini 
tertempa.

Alhamdulillah pilihan dan kesempatan
yang membuat hamba 
mengerti lebih baik makna diri
semua lebih bererti 
akan mudah dihayati.

Alhamdulillah..
Alhamdulillah..
Alhamdulillah..

Open your eyes, please.

I was a Catholic for a good 23 years of my life. Went to church every Sunday, completed the necessary sacraments. Let me tell you that not a single thing that I went through, heard & observed ever involved efforts to sabotage Muslims or other believers.

All the sermons, prayers that were uttered were underlined with values of love & compassion. “Respect thy neighbours. Be kind to everyone. May God grant wisdom upon our leaders. May God protect our country. God have mercy on us. Etc.”

I was living in Sabah then. Pretty shielded from the prejudices on non-Muslims that I’ve seen here. So when I moved to KL, I was quite baffled at the level of misunderstanding & prejudices that Muslims have on Christians. I mean, we didn’t sit down in Sunday schools and discuss..

About how to convert a fellow Muslim, or crafting devious plans on how to do so. I don’t remember a single time where there was even a hint of such intention. We were always taught about how to live the Christian values in whatever we do; compassion, kind, respect, honesty, etc.

To be fair, my parents have their own misconception towards Islam.

“It’d break my heart to pieces if your husband marries a 2nd, 3rd wife.”

“They’ll cut off your relationship with your Christian families.”

Among the things they said to me when I wanted to become a Muslim.

Can’t blame them aight. I guess what I’m trying to say is, remove these prejudices towards non-Muslims, stop wasting effort to fuel them. We (Muslims in Msia)have a lot more fundamental things to sort out; child marriage, corruption, yes kawin 4 issue too.